Andy Laub

Dreamhost’s newsletter
for November is all in
Haiku. They’re silly.

Another email at work means funny funny jokes!

Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.

A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says “I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything.”

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says “A beer please, and one for the road.”

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other “Does this taste funny to you?”

An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.

A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, “Doctor, doctor, I can’t feel my legs!” The doctor replied, “I know you can’t – I’ve cut off your arms!”

What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says “Dam!”.

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. “But why,” they asked, as they moved off. “Because”, he said, “I can’t stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.”

A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named “Ahmal.” The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him “Juan.” Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal.Her husband responds, “They’re twins! If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Ahmal.”

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him…

Wait for it…

A super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

I’ve mentioned before that I tend to have issues with color. On the other hand, there are some times when I’m working that a color scheme or I like happens to fall into place while I’m just screwing around. Such is the case with those shown above, because now I’m thinking about keeping them. The question is, do I continue to try to work them, or do I use them as is since I like them now? I find this to be kind of the eternal paradox of graphic design. Yes, I could go forth with the rough concept that happened to fall into place, but would I be slacking off by doing that or just working efficiently, or just lucky? If I do proceed with that and finalize it, it almost feels like I’m taking the easy way out because I’m not painfully exerting myself and stretching my abilities to their limits.

This is when you have to start thinking about scale. How important is this project, and what kind of lifespan is it going to have? I could understand the weeks or months of struggle if you’re developing a new identity for, say, AT&T. On the other hand, if you’re working on a catalog with a lifespan of a month, chances are you’re not going to spend nearly as much time developing the look since it will be gone and forgotten before long.

Which brings me back to my dilemma. In this case the colors and design in question are for a personal project which in a way adds another complication. When I’m working on stuff for my actual real job it’s easier because of the aforementioned short lifespans, but also because there are others involved on the project so I don’t have to completely rely on myself for feedback. There are certain times where I get to a point in a project and just can’t do anything else with it. At this point it helps to see the marketeer in charge because I can start to refine it or add things I missed or remove things that are unnecessary, which means that whether I like it or not I have to continue to work until we are both (hopefully) satisfied.

Not so at home. I could call it a day if I wanted to on this project and proceed to the next steps and stare at it and feel guilty about not having put more thought into it, or I could continue to waste time on trying to make it look better when I really like it right now. Damned if I do, damned if I don’t.

This is not what I want to see.

The first time I ever played Driver was when the free-roaming / driving / action game took its place as my favorite genre. There’s something about being able to just hop in a game and go where ever you want to and explore that has always appealed to me and this type of game fits the bill. I want to say it was the Grand Theft Auto series that originally made the concept a reality, but it was Driver that revolutionized it by making it 3-dimensional, third-person point of view instead of top-down.

Driver 2 made it so (gasp!) you could actually leave your car and had a limited amount of on-foot scenarios, but no weaponry. Along came the PS2 and the titan of titans, GTA III, which really brought attention to the genre and was the game to have for the new Playstation. Not only could you get out of the car, but there were tons of different ways in which you could interact with the other citizens of Liberty City. With GTA showing how much money a company could rake in if they did it right, a number of other franchises began, most notably The Getaway, based in real-world, present-day London, and True-Crime, in which you play a police officer doing his part to clean up the city. As similar as the basic concepts sound (drive around, run around, shoot stuff), the games all vary dramatically and none of them are spot-on perfect.

Driv3r is probably the weakest of them all. The game in general feels as though it was rushed to completion and there are certain things they didn’t seem to give much thought to. You can swim, but not very well, and if you end up in the water on some parts of the map you may as well start over because there’s no way out. There are times when police or other objects will just randomly appear on top of you, and the environments in general seem repetitive at times and very sterile. It’s not that there’s no debris or anything like that but that there’s no interaction with anybody and even pedestrians are sparse. When in the open-roaming mode you can set the weather and time of day before starting but they will not change. The on-foot controls are horrible as is the ridiculous grunting sound Tanner (the main character) makes when trying to jump. The music is horrible. The other bizarre thing is the tie-in with Nokia, despite the fact that the vehicles suggest the game takes place in the 70′s. It’s impossible to tell. However, all is not lost – I really like both the handling of the cars and their appearance and damage models. But everything else is mostly worthless.

The Getaway: Black Monday is better in many ways. This new version actually has an in-game map so you can figure out where the hell you are, even though some roads are not shown. On foot controls are really good and the in-car stuff is mostly decent but still a little too tight for my liking. The environment is pleasantly realistic although the weather here always seems to be really overcast which is kind of depressing. One of the biggest draws of the game is that they actually have licensed vehicles rather than generic interpretations like the other games have, and this time around you also have access to motorcycles. I like the general feel of the game too – it seems the most realistic and unexaggerated and I think the game accomplishes exactly what it wants. Sound is good, but I’m pretty tired of just generic trance-y background music.

Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas is a title that pretty much speaks for itself. There are only a few things I don’t like about this game, but they are not enough to keep it from being enjoyable. The cars could be better looking and the controls could be a little tighter; this is actually the opposite side of the spectrum from The Getaway if I were to put Driver in the dead center. On-foot is good in this game also, and CJ is probably the most agile in his movements of all the characters in this genre. You also get to know him really well as a person, and you know exactly why he does everything he does. There are some dopey things, of course, like the fact that to keep the game fresh Rockstar continues to add more content and variety even though some of it is rather silly and unnecessary. On the opposite end of that spectrum, they are gradually making the world more and more realistic even though it’s a non-existent place and that really makes the game worth going back to even after you finish it. What makes me the happiest is the anticipation for the next-generation GTA game on the new consoles, especially given what they’ve accomplished with such limited space and power on the PS2. And who could forget the audio? Everything in San Andreas sounds great, from the swearing pedestrians to the ambient noise to the hott early 90′s music and talk shows. And on top of everything else, it’s got a sense of humor! This is the benchmark, hands down, and for good reason.

True Crime: New York City is the closest thing to the GTA series of this bunch and in some ways is almost better. I really like that the game give you purpose and it’s actually for a noble cause, unlike all the other ones. Your main goal is to clean up the city, and this is reinforced by actually interacting with your boss and continually resolving small crimes while working on larger cases. The car models here almost on par with Driv3r’s which is pretty impressive although the driving itself, like GTA, is a bit loose. Of all the games, this one has the best on-foot controls especially when dealing with weapons. Almost every building is enterable in this game which amazes me, and there’s a lot of interaction with shopkeepers and street vendors as well. The voice acting is really good but the music overall is not really my thing. Even so, there’s a lot to like about this game and if you already own the entire GTA series this should be next on your list.

That said, it’s easy to see that GTA continues to be the winner, although all of the games are worth playing and even owning (with the possible exception of Driv3r — I’d maybe wait for the the next one).

We call these magic shoes, since that’s how they stay on your feet.

Anyway, I picked up a second pair since I like my other ones so much. On a related note, Converse’s site is looking really nice these days, and it seems like thanks to Nike iD, everybody’s doing customization. Well, that last one makes sense — Converse and Nike iD have the same personalization menus, even!

And the obligatory other magic shoe picture.

It’s Thanksgiving today, and traditionally, at least when I was little, we’d go around the table and share what we’re thankful for. It’s been a long time since I’ve done that, so here’s a shot at it:

I have a ton of things to be thankful for. I’m in good health, I have a great place to live, and everything I need for my well-being. I have awesome friends and not one but two super-supportive families. I have a job that’s mostly fulfilling and demands creativity, and a bunch of people that I like working with. Most importantly, I’m thankful to be on the verge of my second quarter-century of life and just past the 5-year marker in a relationship with a person I love.

So, how about you?

Ads like this make Puma my favorite shoe company.

So the new office pan is done. It’s not quite 360°; more like 340 or 350, but close enough, unless you were really intent on seeing another 2 feet of sage-colored wall and some stairs.

And I know that I haven’t even come close to my allocated bandwidth for the month so without further ado, here’s the 2400 x 1200 version (716K). Or, you can view it on flickr with the super-sweet little notes. It *almost* makes me want to put more pictures there, if I had any.

So I’m pretty much through the E’s as I continue to rip my CD collection. I’ve rediscovered Everclear, particularly their album “Songs From an American Movie Volume 1: Learning How to Smile.”

If you’re familiar with Everclear’s catalogue of music, then you already know that this one stands out like a sore thumb among some of their more moderately harder stuff. It’s a very eclectic album for them, with some songs verging on folky. I really like it for the variety of instruments and unexpected arrangements, so I was a little disappointed when Volume 2 (Good Time for a Bad Attitude) came out and returned to being semi-rock.It wasn’t necessarily bad, but it just didn’t seem to have the same intricacies as the first and so I didn’t find myself listening to it nearly as much. Same goes for their last one, whatever that’s called.

Some time ago (I mean a long time ago) I was bored so I shot this panorama of our old office. I shot some stuff today and I want to put a new one together, so if I actually do you’ll be the first to know.

I know, I know. You can’t even see anything. View at hi-rez (2400 x 1200, 350K).

EDIT:
Check. Out. That. Living Room.

Some time ago I came across this phantom shuttle bus in the parking garage of a hotel in Minneapolis. I laughed nearly uncontrollably.

I’ve been doing more of the iChat thing lately and I rather enjoy the ability to have spontaneous and instantaneous conversations with people hundreds of miles away who share my interests. God bless the internerd!

First, it’s the verb, not the noun.

Anyway, we somehow continue to accumulate technology. This time it’s a(nother) Power Mac G3. I’m not entirely sure where it came from, but I do know that while it was originally going to continue to live on as a computer, it’s now just dead in the water thanks to a mysterious power-related issue and has donated its RAM to my other (identical) G3. I’m thinking of throwing the HD into the other G3 as well because it’s running – get this – OS 8.5. That boggles my mind; it’s just so old! If I had to guess I’d say that it probably hasn’t been updated since it started service.

Speaking of duplicates, pick up a copy of True Crime: New York City from Best Buy (they get it tomorrow) and get a copy of the original, True Crime: Streets of L.A., for just $5! I think I’ll maybe take advantage of that, ‘specially with my sweet coupon.

Pesky snow, always has a tendency of postponing things. Like school or FedEx.

Or the post I was going to write for today.

I just came off of my first ever 13-hour workday, so please pardon the lack of a meaningful post.

Instead, here’s shot of the best DAP ever, the best gum ever, the best SmartPhone ever and a cup from the best Mexican restaurant ever inside of the best midsized entry-level family sedan ever.

In this case, the plants indigenous to the atrium of our building.

I am officially a member of the Pixelante, a word coined by Jack Thompson as a derogatory term for gamers and adapted by some art students in a sort of backlash to the whole situation. What’s more, you’re not only speaking out against video game censorship (and censorship as a whole) and frivolous lawsuits, you’re helping kids. That’s right – all Pixelante shirt proceeds go to charity.

Game Politics and Kotaku have more information regarding the program, or you can get the lowdown and maybe pick up a shirt from Straight Loop. All I can say is how happy I am that someone developed a shirt that is as inconspicuous as it is powerful.